Kaytie Does Life.

Tuesday, Feb 1st

Thomas and I went to see 'The Black Swan' tonight. It was as beautiful as we'd anticipated. That's all there is to it.
I've felt lower than usual lately. My usual beauty routine has even been dismissed, which says a lot about my mood.
Thomas forgot to call his grandparents again. Sydney doesn't look like it's on the cards this weekend.

Wednesday, Feb 2nd

I said 3 words to Thomas this morning. Those three words.
I don't know what I feel. I don't know what's going on in my mind. Empty. I feel empty.

Friday, Feb 4th


Last night Thomas called, we hadn't spoken since I said goodbye on Tuesday. He picked me up late and gave me a massage before we went to bed.
Yesterday I tried Nandos and saw, 'The Next Three Days'. Both were completely disappointing.
My mood's not improving, it's down spiralling once again. I think of darkness a lot, my room's messy, I feel disgusting, I sleep more. I'm numb.

Sunday, Feb 6th

Today I went shopping and bought a jumper, dress, skirt and lingerie.
I spent too much money, but the knowledge of Winter creeping up around the corner is making it impossible not to purchase much missed Winter fashion.
My budget's been dismissed until I've accumulated a wardrobe I'm once again contented with.
Thomas and I have been spending great time together lately. Although, I did have to crawl out of his bed just before 7 this morning as he had a work outing in Wagga. Things have been so great between us.
Yesterday we went shopping together. Friday night we spent a few hours with Mitchell, and Thomas had some beers.
I feel so comfortable around Thomas. He makes me feel so beautiful, nothing like I felt with Driuks.

Wednesday, Feb 9th

Thomas picked me up last night and the night started off good... before I hit a low and just wanted to curl up and stop breathing.
Sometimes I feel I'm destined to be alone. Live a short life.
Tonight I had my first bath in my new home. It didn't last long as they make me feel all stuffy. I smell delicious now though!
After my bath I took the stereo into the kitchen and opened the windows and doors to my housemate, Matt, and my smoking area. I played music on the stereo whilst we both sat in our backyard smoking cigarettes and I listened to him tell me about his family.
We played air guitar and danced around stupidly, and then when our game of make-believe came to an end, we both simultaneously ceased. We then sat in silence and tapped our fingers and nodded our heads to the music. Blank stares across our faces, both realising what we had just shared was what we wished was real. Not just an act, to both allow one another to force a smile at the silliness we were. Reality won again.
Tomorrow is Thursday - Rehab's outing day. I want to stay inside for days. I feel disgusting. I'm going to request I give it a miss.
Tom leaves for a week on Sunday. Such a bad time to leave.