No hardcore dancing in the living room.

 Jesse's 21st.

 I went to the toilet for one minute and came back to this...

The cake we made for Weston. A thank you cake for introducing the two of us!

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

What do you think you look like?

‘What’ do I think I look like? Ah, an unattractive young misfit female.

Religion?

My religion is to have no religion.

What’s your favorite smell?

My man’s natural body odour and rain.

What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

Whatever I was drinking the night before… which is usually coffee.

What do you do for a living?

I live.

Personality?

Introverted, honest, secretive, listener, lover, fighter, disappearer, supporter, loyal and strange. I’m a shit person.

Relationship with your parent(s)?

Let’s not go there.

Do you believe in yourself?

I gave that up long ago, I’m afraid.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I believe in something like that.

Your worst fear(s)

I’m afraid I’m not good enough, and that I am a terrible person and everything that’s happened to me is because I have deserved it.

The weirdest food or drink that you like?

I eat anchovies from the jar.

At the top of your “to do list”?

Get. A. Full. Time. Job.

The hardest thing about growing up?

Doing it on your own.

A pet peeve?

Audible eating, people not washing their hands over going to the bathroom, people who don’t listen when you answer their questions, people who don’t clean up after themselves (especially after you’ve just cleaned), people who just do not make sense and have a valid point when arguing with you.

Your attitude about love?

I love love.

The funniest or most desperate thing you’ve done?

Calling my ex boyfriend whilst drunk in the park and high on pills, homeless, making him confess his love for me just because I needed to hear it from someone. I knew he was still hung up on me, even though we’d be apart for months.

The worst feeling in the world?

Feeling alone and hopeless and powerless, like there’s nothing to live for.

The best feeling in the world

Having something to live for, being happy with who you are and being surrounded by people who make you feel amazing.

What kind of booze did you last take shots of?

Inner Circle, oh goodness. It was awful.

Do you think your ex still wants to be with you?

Apparently so. That’s so unfortunate.

What do you think about math?

I try not to think about it, but I wish I were so much better at it.

Have you ever lost a close friend?

Many, many. To death, to others, to myself and to time.

Have you ever wished on a shooting star?

When I was a little girl I used to look out my window and wait to see one before I was willingly going to sleep, just so I could make a wish.

Does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?

I generally don’t like to be touched, so if I’m holding hands with someone they must mean something to me.

Do you have anything that belongs to your ex?

His virginity and a permanent place in his little ol’ heart.

Would you rather have ten kids, or none?

I’d rather have none!

Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/ girlfriend?

Multiple times. Oopsy daisies.

Do you regret a past relationship?

I regret allowing a previous relationship to continue for so long.

Are you a jealous person?

I’m an insecure, self-conscious, and helpless person who cannot help but grow quite jealous.

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?

I realised I am capable of being happy and that my life’s on a track I’m very eager to ride out.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?

Tom’s bed, which I sleep in more than my own anyway.

Dog People.

I’m a cat whisperer. They tell me their evil plans of world domination and wiping out the entirety of the human race, and I tell them to go kill themselves because they’re little bitches.

Totally Sweet Advice PART EIGHT (FOR GUYS ONLY)

1. Stop being so judgemental of girls.

2. Girls can ALWAYS tell when you're looking at another girl or staring at their boobs. Stop. Appreciate what you've got.

3. If you don't think the sun shines out of your girl's arse, and you're always on the prowl for some upgrading, bugger off. You should not be with her.

4. Never, ever communicate with your ex. No.

5. Don't call females 'chicks'. It's mean, whether you know it or not! And no, I don't know why it is mean... it just is.

6. Don't hate fat people or talk about weight. It's a touchy subject and you clearly do not know how hard it is to be living in a female's world. Food and diet is a HUGE problem in our lives. That 'fat chick' you just pointed out could have a binge eating disorder, or she could be an emotional eater. "Just stop eating, put down the food", you say? Well, her mother could have just died, or she could be like Oprah and have been molested as a child by her uncle and she subconsciously makes herself that way so she becomes undesirable. Or, maybe she just has a lot of feelings. And, that girl you just looked out with the skinny waist and bangin' body... she may not have eaten for a week. Would you like a girlfriend who won't eat dinner with you. Ever? Who you can't enjoy a bowl of popcorn with over a movie? Whatever it is, leave it alone.

7. If you break a girl's heart and you're done with her, THEN BE DONE WITH HER. No fucking around with her emotions because you 'MIGHT' wanna be with her again and you currently still love her. TOO BAD! If you've broken her heart and gone and decided that you dont want to be with her right now, then let her go. Girls are emotional wrecks and if you give them an ounce of hope, they'll stick around and you'll break their hearts. You heartbreaking prick, you!

8. Wash your sheets. And your clothes. And your towel. Just do it. Please.

9. Don't make us girls feel bad if we do eat a large meal from KFC. Fuck, we like to eat too, you know?

10. If you're ordering us food, please ask what we want first. Don't assume we want the salad, seriously? Salad sucks. That's first date 'I need to impress you' shit. And even THEN we don't REALLY want the salad. And, don't you dare order me a diet-coke.

11. Don't play macho-man in your stupid car. Burn-outs smell like shit and I actually don't want to die today.

12. Don't tell me about your muscles, I don't care. Asshole.

13. If you want to kiss a girl, DO IT.

14. If you want to call her, DO IT.

15. What's with this 3-day bullshit? You have to wait 3 days to call her, email her or text her? Really?! If she's smart she'll have moved on after day 2.

16. Facebook's a clitoral-hardoff. If you DO have facebook (and let's face it, who doesn't?!), don't update your status every half an hour with pussy lyrics, bad grammar, whining or talking about some hot chick you just saw whilst eating lunch. Be sophisticated. Always.

17. Us girls are insecure and emotional. Tell us we look beautiful, but mean it. And yes, you may have already told us twice today that you love us, you like our outfit, you love our new hair... but say it again. We tend to forget the good things.

18. We like sex just as much, if not MORE than you do. So, GIVE IT TO US.

I'll laugh all the way to hell.

Eat too much, eat too little, drink beer, crave chocolate, deprive myself, over-indulge myself, look at food porn, go to the cinemas, listen to music, challenge people, bottle up my emotions until I explode, explode, spend time with my boyfriend, my boyfriend, love, cry, sleep, don't sleep, read, cooking shows, scream, smoke, quit smoking, chain smoke, road trips, make my boyfriend food, sex, hating people, being hated, questioning myself, break promises, make promises, feel happy, want to die, try to die, don't die, feel like i'm dying, hate myself, disgust myself, have others disgust me, argue, fight, complain, moan, sexually moan, orgasm, be naked, wash my hair, fall more in love, be happier than ever before, tell myself i'm worthless, feel worthless, lose friends, make fake friends, love love, be in love, tell my boyfriend i love him, be loved, tell you i love him. I love him.

Head filled with elsewhere.