Mermaids belong in the ocean eating green things.

Okay, so I’m really sick right? And my boyfriend and I have decided to make it a pj’s day, so I’ve decided to curl up and watch Desperate Housewives and drink hot chocolate in bed all day whilst he plays games. But, we need milk, and I personally need food, real food after eating chocolate for breakfast. So, my boyfriend’s about to go off and buy milk, and he knows I need to eat too, but I don’t know what I want because I’m sick, duh. I don’t have time to think, plus he’s supposed to just KNOW what I need/want.

Anyway, do you know what he said? “I’ll get you a cheeseburger.” Obviously he could tell by the face that I was pulling that a cheeseburger was definitely not what I wanted (however, any other time I would have happily agreed!). But no, I am sick and I already ate chocolate for breakfast and he KNOWS my stomach is killing me and I can’t stomach a cheeseburger.

He continues with more suggestions as he really wants to help me and satisfy me and nurture me, which I must give him more credit for… but still, he should just KNOW what I want, right?!
“I’ll get you a Zinger baby?” He sees my face again… “An icecream from maccas?” “Some chocolate?” “How about chocolate icecream?!”
I then tell him I cannot possibly stomach all these things and he’s doing this whole ‘nurturing’ thing wrong. He says, “Isn’t that what girls want? Chocolate and icecream?”

I explain that yes, that is what girls usually want and well done for that observation, but right now I am terribly ill and must eat something moderately healthy as I will vomit anything else up and I have already had my chocolate hole filled this morning…
He suggests yoghurt, which isn’t such a bad idea at all! But you know, just one of those things I didn’t really feel like this time round. It just wasn’t what I was craving, even if I didn’t know what exactly it was I was craving.

He then looks up and looks like he’s hit the jackpot and says, “I know, I’ll pick you up a salad!” I looked up at him in disgust, and said, “Seriously? Why is it that guys think if a girl wants something healthy, she means a salad? You realise girls don’t actually really enjoy eating salad? They only do it to impress guys. We’re not mermaids, you know?”

Salads are not your friends. If you're in a comfortable and loving relationship with somebody, you're past the salad stage (however, I was never actually IN the salad stage to begin with...). Eat real food, and if you do and you are but you feel like you HAVE to eat a salad or something lame like that when your man's around, think again!

I’ve been hiding since Sunday evening and I am hiding today and most of this week. I understand why the Japanese (chinese?) cut off all their hair when they want to forget something… to start again. I’ve also noticed it’s a trend among celebrities, after a breakup they chop all their hair off. And start again. I could do that but I know I’d end up feeling more miserable as I feel like my hair’s the only good thing about myself - and even then I don’t really like it as much as I should.
Anyway, the point is, instead of chopping my hair off or jumping off bridges or taking a shit load of pills to try and forget things, I escaped as much as I knew how to. I changed all my passwords, took off my jewellery, changed my ringtone, bought a pack of cigarettes, packed my things and went somewhere else and let my phone run flat a few times.
I didn’t forget, but I changed and change is almost as good as forgetting… sometimes.

I’m at my boyfriend’s house, he came and picked me up last night after a delicious (yet very fattening) thai green curry and apple pies with icecream. We had sex, showered and had more sex, slept (where apparently I was making funny noises all night, which doesn’t surprise me because I sometimes do it and wake myself up!) and was woken up by Tom as I didn’t even hear his alarms go off. He kissed me goodbye after I watched him dress infront of me (I was not closing my eyes through that!) and I fell right back asleep until 11:10.

Tonight, I’m assuming we’ll do our traditional iced-coffee run and late night shopping, however I will be wearing trackies and looking like a mess. I feel disgusting because even though I was able to escape, I ate way more than I normally would.

I have so much fun with my boyfriend, and we do fight and face things which other couples don’t, and it’s testing to our relationship, but everytime we come through stronger than before. This time, I feel like we’ve both really received confirmation of everything we want and mean to one another, and I have a feeling things are just going to get a lot more funner, hotter, passionate, loving and a whole less stressful.

Totally Sweet Advice PART SIX

1. If everyone around you seems to be getting sick of you lately, maybe it's not THEM that needs to change and get over themselves, maybe you need to take a step back and have a good look at YOURSELF!

2. For everything you gain, you lose something. I never believed it, but DARN IS IT TRUE! It's up to you to decide which option gives you the biggest gain and will make you happiest and you've got to learn to let go of the thing you're losing.

3. It's all well and good being a people-pleaser and really caring about everyones happiness, but there comes a time where you've just gone and got yourself in a big unhappy hole with all this impossible people pleasing. Do what's right for you and you may even find it's what's generally right for the majority also!

4. Perfect your popcorn making skills! It's the way to people's hearts for real! But, DO NOT burn that stuff. It's so nasty.

5. When visiting someone's house, try not to make ALL conversations revolve around YOU. Yes, you hear me you little fake homewrecker, you?! Please note, this is not directed at my brother's girlfriend. IT'S NOT! I SWEAR.

6. Easter's coming and everyone's coming up to holidays. I know we're all a tad worried about our waistlines, but seriously... EAT SOME FUCKING CHOCOLATE. Oh goodness, soooo good. Eat what you like, let loose. Food is your friend!

7. You don't have to be the drunkest/loudest person at the party. You are actually annoying a whole heap of people and look like an insecure/attention seeking mess. Have more self-respect and confidence. Fake it if you must.

8. Don't get so addiced to cigarettes that when you have none you go crazy and will do whatever you can to get some! Like rummaging through ashtrays to find 'smokeable butts'. Seriously?! Do you know how ridiculous/crazy you look?! It's 2011. How about you just DON'T do it? I mean, now that we're aware of how bad they are for you, how yellow your teeth and hands get and how it makes you smell and look old, cigarettes just aren't cool anymore! (I should tell myself this one. Kaytie, cigarettes just aren't cool anymore. Got it?)

9. Don't tell people you're going to do something, just DO it. Are you thinking if you say it out-loud it makes it more credible? Because maybe that IS true, but if it's not you wind up looking like a total d-bag.

10. Remember, texting can be extremely convenient whilst needing to deliver messages on the go, or if you're in the first stages of getting to know some hot crush of yours... but it can also be a huge inconvenience. I mean, seriously, there are a million different ways to take what is said through texts and I know there are people out me (especially of the vagina range) who take it too literally or the worst way possible! Which can cause major dramas. SO, either get better at texting or CALL.

because i came here with a load and it feels so much lighter since i met you

Thomas P., I love you and wouldn't change a damn thing.

How To Lose Friends And Scare People

1. Drink too much.

2. Chain smoke, so you become known as 'the smoker' and you're constantly stenching of smoke. Try not to be offended when your friends suffering from asthma never wanna hang out anymore.

3. Eat onions or garlic before meeting people.

4. Stay exactly the same way as you were when you were 16, but with more alcohol and drama.

5. Greet people with a limp handshake whilst staring into their eyes and holding their hand for a second too long.

6. Talk and/or yell to yourself regularly.

7. Answer the door in your underwear.

8. Become obsessed with a computer/console game to the point where you're having to lie about your game play.

9. Be in denial about addictions.

10. Say you hate sushi when you've never tried it.

11. Don't own a television and make it a point to let everyone know.

Lovers Alone Recipe.

Lovers Alone Recipe.
A common recipe to be enjoyed on nights alone with the one you love.

Ingredients.

1 lover (test a few first as personal tastes may vary and this ingredient is most important. Once you've found the one which is right for you, stick with them no matter what as flavour may change through various heats.)

Beer

A kitchen with cupboards almost bare

1 car with green P plates

Sweet seasoning (includes; love, passion, excitement, sex, personal jokes, spooning, understanding, kisses, smiles, fun, laughs, jokes, nudity and  kindess)

Bitter seasoning (includes; insecurities, tears, frustrations and fear)

5 coffees (in cooler weather number may need to be increased to 10+)

Method.

1. Coat lover 89% with sweet seasoning and 11% with bitter seasoning.

2. Add beer to lover.

3. After beer and lover have mixed together evenly, add kitchen with cupboards almost bare.

4. Go crazy and test to taste.

5. Add nudity and leave to stand over night.

6. Progressively add 5 coffees and sprinkle with extra sugar.

7. Add car with green P plates and stir until desired target is reached.

8. Repeat step 5.

Notes: Your lover can be added to all recipes and is one of your most essential ingredients in any recipe.

Life's no fun if you're always having fun.

All my life I've found it difficult to accept a lot of things.
Why does religion cause so much trouble? Why would some rather spend money on luxuries than helping create world peace? Why do some people care more about sports than humanity? Why does that woman think that skirt looks good on her?
You know, all those types of things. But mostly I've found it difficult accepting a lot of things within myself.
Why is all this happening to me? What have I done to make these people treat me this way? Why do I do the things I do? Why hasn't anyone helped me with this? Why can't I see myself like other people see me? Am I a bad person? Did I do the right thing? What is my purpose? Why am I even trying? Why did I eat that extra piece of chocolate cake and spend my money on that dress I'm going to wear once?

Lately, I've realised I've got to stop fighting against myself. I'm not going to be who I wish to become overnight. It'll take work and that's what life's about. Living and learning. I'm still doing both!
I'm controlling, bitchy, insecure, unorganised, worrysome, secretive, strong-willed, opinionated, insane, intelligent, stubborn, erratic, a little strange and I ricochete between independency and dependency.
It's who I am and yeah, some of it fucking sucks but really, if I COULD change these core traits, would I really even want to? It adds character and withouth them, I'd be boring. I can eventually tidy myself up around the edges and hopefully someday be, the best version of ME I can be, but I'll always be stubborn, controlling, strong-willed and brought down by past demons, but I have to accept those things and trust that the people who love me, actually enjoy my little difficulties.

So, I've decided not to be so hard on myself and take every day as it comes and I hope to gradually become content with who I am. I no longer expect to wake up and have everything be different and just how I want.


I apologise for not posting recently, I've been far too busy but also far too unmotivated. I'm learning new lessons every single day and admittedly, I usually detest this fact. The lessons are difficult, draining and I curse them and wish for them to disappear... but if I take a step back like I have today (after a horrible night) and look at the overall picture, I'm thankful for these distressing occurences. Right now, I'm growing and every day I'm getting closer to whom I wish to be. I know exactly what I want. I'm aware of my faults and I'm learning to accept them and work with them so they're not so faulty. I'm learning a lot about other people and how they work and I'm learning more about the world we live in.

Life's certainly not easy for anyone, and I'm not even sure if there's a big point to it. Sometimes I wonder why things can hurt so much when I feel so insignificant and useless. But, the thing is, they do hurt and they hurt so, so much that I cannot possible ignore them and push them away, putting them down as something to be swept away. Emotions can't be ignored and the way things make me feel can't be ignored and they are meaningful. But, they're not negative. They can't all be negative...