I'm leaving soon, my head's a mess.

I hope it comes back clearer.

My boyfriend - man, I wish so much I didn't have to call him my 'boyfriend'. I wish so much that 'manfriend' was more socially accepted. Or, maybe I don't because I'd feel weird saying that too. 'Partner' is too marital, 'lover' is too distant. My problem with the word 'boyfriend' is that I've had them before and my boyfriends have always become ex-boyfriends and I was so young. I'm much older now... sort of - and I are off to his grandparent's in Sydney tonight. We're going for the weekend and I'm feeling a mixture of emotions all at once (which is anything new, so I don't exactly know why I had to tell you that). It's our first trip away with one another and I feel like it's going to be a big step forward (or even backwards if all goes downhill) in our relationship.
I mean, we're a serious couple anyway (much more serious than I tend to give us credit for) and this will just confirm the seriousness of where we could be headed. Like, we're sharing a suitcase for goodness sake! That is one serious committment. My whole trip will be bagged up with his whole trip and will return the same.
I just hope I don't drive him mad.

I just want,

To sleep for a few hours, until it's time to leave and wake up and everything to have been completed.

For it to be raining until the outskirts of our destination tonight. Road trip in the rain with my lover and our mutual lovely music, would be bliss.

The amount of roadkill seen on the way to be minimal.

To eat and not consume any of the calories. Chocolate, coffee, lollies, muffins, chips, bread... oh, so much chocolate. Please.

For this weekend to go well and for my boyfriend's grandparents to like me. No, no. For my boyfriend's grandparents to adore me.

To turn eighteen.

My outfits to not make my body temperature too hot or too cold, but just right. Like Little Bear's porridge.

Magically be fit enough to work and be magically given a full time job.

Control and become the person I am trying so hard to be. (I shouldn't say that, sometimes I swear I could try harder but I'm just a little scared. To death, scared)

To not have to say I want happiness and to just be happy already.

For people who don't appreciate me or who aren't willing to cut me some slack or be completely honest with me, to buzz off. I don't have time right now (or ever!) for you people.

To wish you all a safe and happy weekend. Hell, a safe and happy fucking life. But not too much of the two, because without misery you would know no happiness. And, without danger you'd know no fun, you boring fucks.

One last thing; I wish to know when my thoughts, my words and my life will start making sense.

Does any of this make sense to you?